


Always Up For a Little Heist

by Mums_the_Word



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen, Russian diamond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 03:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2532956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mums_the_Word/pseuds/Mums_the_Word
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal and Mozzie manage to pull off a heist with daring panache. Peter is far from pleased.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Up For a Little Heist

**Author's Note:**

> Reference made to Season 5 “Controlling Interest” episode when Neal is given a truth-inducing drug by an immoral psychologist during an undercover assignment.

 

       Mozzie carefully maneuvered the bucket truck, with the hydraulic arm supporting a cherry picker, through the back alley. It was a tight fit behind the five-story, turn-of-the-century building located on West 107th Street in Upper Manhattan. This was a quiet neighborhood, but then so was Mozzie’s vehicle, having been re-fitted with a “smart car’s” electric engine. There were other modifications as well. His means of transportation was quite esoteric, having been camouflaged with several coats of black paint so that it was virtually undetectable in the dark, moonless night. As his occasional partner in crime, Neal never ceased to be amazed at the cornucopia-like contents secreted within the dark recesses of Mozzie’s numerous warehouses that dotted the landscape of New York and nearby New Jersey.

         At the moment, the little bald man, ever cognizant of the precious cargo held aloft, very slowly and precisely positioned the bucket over a specific portion of the roof of the Nicholas Roerich Museum. When the compartment had stopped swaying, Neal cautiously stepped out onto the roof and set upon the task of breaking into this museum. The object of his desire was a rare 28-carat Russian blue diamond that was on display in one of the upper rooms. He had brought the tools of his trade with him. He and Mozzie had meticulously studied the architectural building schematics, so he knew exactly where to cut through the asphalt shingles and roofing plywood, thus affording himself a small portal of entry between the ceiling joists.

          The Nicholas Roerich Museum was small by New York standards. Relocated here in the 1920s from its original downtown home, it nonetheless housed extensive works of the St. Petersburg-born painter, writer and part-time archeologist. Roerich, who died in 1947, had been a dedicated activist for the cause of preserving art and architecture during the time of war, and this museum housed a plethora of exciting and exotic finds. Today’s Russian officials felt that it was a fitting venue to display the recently mined blue diamond, secreted for eons beneath the frozen tundra of Siberia. It would be the first stop on a worldwide tour.

          Although far from the largest or most exquisite blue diamond ever mined, it was, nonetheless, very impressive. Its monetary value was just speculation. In 2008, the slightly larger Wittelsbach Diamond, a hefty 35.56 carats, had brought a winning bid of twenty-four million at an exclusive Christie’s auction. Displaying this unique gem was the Russians’ way of saying “Hey! Look at us and the rare treasures and resources that we possess within our vast empire.” If anything were to go wrong and the gaudy bauble went astray, it would undoubtedly cause an international incident. Right now détente between the United States and Russia was precarious, with both Putin and Obama trading snipes and barbs like feuding inlaws.

          Neal worked methodically and carefully at his task on the roof. Finally, after the insulation had been slowly peeled back and acoustic ceiling tiles removed, Neal alerted Mozzie that the next phase of the invasion should be initiated.

          The security for the building was laughable. There was just one night watchman on duty after hours, and he sat in an office on the ground floor. He stared at footage of the rest of the four floors on small flat-screened panels mounted on the wall. The burglars speculated that he was, no doubt, either somewhat sleepy or completely bored out of his mind by now. It would have been child’s play on Mozzie’s part to simply do a bit of hacking and place the video footage on a loop. However, what the two had in mind for this unsuspecting dude was a bit more over the top.

          The dynamic duo had done their homework. They had pedantically studied the background of this particular rent-a-cop. “Know your mark, right.” A successful confidence man knows the likes, dislikes, weaknesses and predilections of their quarry. So, with a flip of a switch, all four monitors in the control room suddenly lost their museum feed, and simultaneously flashed onto a quadraphonic display of three women and a man performing acrobatic feats from the Kama Sutra. The “ladies” were buxom, nubile, and very anxious to please, and there didn’t seem to be any complaints from the object of their ministrations. The security guard, eyes agog, didn’t question how this cinematic miracle had occurred; he was just more than ready to relish his good fortune, and “go with the flow.” Mozzie and Neal suspected that he would be occupied for at least the twenty minutes that it would take Neal to complete the mission.

          Lowering himself to the floor with the aid of a hydraulic winch, Neal carefully stepped over to the pedestal display in the center of the room. The object of this heist was elevated on a small gold stand under a thick Plexiglas cube. Neal, using a miniature laser cutter, outlined a perimeter around the base and carefully lifted off the case. The diamond’s tripod support was situated atop a small pressure plate. Neal and Mozzie had performed meticulous calculations as to the diamond’s weight. The con man then removed an object from his fanny pack that they knew, down to a milligram, weighed exactly the same. With his nimble, sleight-of-hand fingers, he quickly swapped out one object for the other, never once tripping an alarm.

          After securing his prize, Neal precisely replaced the case so that only a thin line was visible if someone knew where to look. He took an extra few minutes to make some extraneous adjustments in the room, and then hoisted himself back up through the ceiling. He replaced the part of the roof that he had removed earlier, entered the cherry picker basket, and the two thieves were on their way after rudely interrupting the security guard’s evening entertainment and reinstituting the actual security feed once again. Neal sure hoped that the poor guy had sufficient time to take care of business. If not, he was in for a rather uncomfortable rest of the night!

**********

          Later that day, Mozzie and Neal cracked a bottle of a rather bold Malbec, and sat studying their prize sitting atop Neal’s dining table. Suddenly, Neal’s door was flung open without any fanfare.

          “ **Freeze—FBI! Keep your hands where I can see them**!” reverberated through the apartment. Neal and Mozzie laconically turned towards Peter, who had his right arm extended with his hand mimicking a pistol aimed straight at them.

          “Seriously, Man,” said Mozzie as he rolled his eyes. “Are all of you G-Men addicted to dramatic entrances? Can’t you be more creative for once instead of sounding like Tommy Lee Jones on a bad day?”

          Peter simply frowned and plopped himself down in an adjacent chair. Fixing both of the burglars in front of him with a disgusted look, he asked what he realized was most certainly a rhetorical question.

          “Did you guys really have to cause such extensive damage to the museum’s roof during the robbery?”

          “Well, sometimes you simply have to break some eggs to make an omelet,” Mozzie smirked with a self-satisfied air. Neal just smiled beatifically.

          “Yeah, well it’s going to cost a small fortune to get it repaired in time for the actual blue diamond showing next week,” Peter whined.

          “Then it is quite fortuitous that I know a guy who knows a guy who can make the repairs on the cheap,” Mozzie started his spiel.

          Peter held up his hands and rewarded Mozzie with the evil eye. “Don’t even go there, Mozzie!”

          “Aw, come on, Peter,” Neal drawled. “Surely the FBI has an off-the-books little slush fund for things like this.”

          Mozzie was only too eager to add his own thoughts on the subject. He just couldn’t help himself; it wasn’t often that he could poke Peter with a stick. “Yeah, you could always use that cool two million that the nefarious psychologist, Dr. Summers, got when she manipulated her recidivist crook patient into stealing for her.” Mozzie gave Peter a bright smile and received a sharp kick to his shin from Neal under the table.

          Peter’s eyes narrowed. “Well, as I’m sure you’re aware, that little windfall went missing before the FBI ever got to it. Of course, I’m certain that neither of you know anything about its whereabouts.” The last statement was made with the utmost of sarcasm. Neal and Mozzie both simply stared at him with wide-eyed naiveté.

          After his faux pas, the shorter of the two con men quickly changed the subject. Indicating the “gem” on the table, Mozzie asked with a haughty air, “Well, then, how about using the object that replaced this little imposter as a means of revenue. A signed, vintage Whitey Ford baseball will most assuredly cover the cost of dozens of roofs.”

          “What do you want me to do, Mozzie—go on EBay tonight and hold a blitz auction to see what I can get for a Yankee superstar pitcher’s autographed baseball circa the 1950s?” Peter was beyond exasperated.

          “Can’t you, for once, just exhibit a modicum of refinement and simply accept a gift graciously? It isn’t often that crooks ‘give’ cops things!” Mozzie snorted in a huff.

          “Look, Peter,” Neal piped up. “You wanted us to try to find possible ways that the ‘diamond,’ could be stolen before the real deal is put on display. That’s what we did, and, quite efficiently, I must admit.”

          As an after thought, he asked curiously, “What did the security guard have to say for himself?”

          “Well, when we checked the video,” Peter answered, “we found static on the tape for exactly seventeen minutes. We figured that you guys just scrambled the feed while you were working. The guard claimed that he might have dozed off for a bit during that time and didn’t notice anything. He was quite mortified when we questioned him about it.”

          After a pause, Peter looked at the two suspiciously. “You were leaving a lot to chance, weren’t you? What if he suddenly woke up?”

          “Oh, don’t be too hard on the poor drone, Suit. I’m sure that he was probably ‘up’ for most of the time.” Mozzie gave a positive shake of his head. Neal just bit the inside of his cheek to stifle a snort.

          “As much as it pains me to say it, you guys did a good job. The museum is now installing pressure plates on the roof in addition to fixing a Neal-sized hole.” Peter grudgingly gave them kudos.

          He then stood up, put the “blue diamond” in his pocket, and headed towards the door. “I’ll expect to see you in the office after lunch, Neal. This is not a busman’s holiday, you know.”

          After the door closed behind him, Neal and Mozzie clinked their glasses in a toast.

          “You know, as proficient as we are at our chosen profession, one can’t always think of everything. I just realized that we neglected to tell the Suit about the ventilation duct in the room.” Mozzie’s forehead was creased in worry.

          “Oh, do you mean the one with the grill that now has magnets holding it in place rather than bolts?” Neal asked innocently.

          “Why yes, that one,” Mozzie agreed.

          “You know, Moz, me and my anklet can’t really be part of your little after-hours soiree next week,” Neal said solemnly.

          “Yes, I realize your limitations on this one, mon frere. But no worries! I was doing heists while you were still in pull-ups.” Mozzie said condescendingly.

          “And you do realize that the diamond will be too hot to ever fence,” Neal added.

          “Neal, Neal, Neal,” Mozzie chided. “It’s not about the stuff. It’s about tweaking ‘The Man’ and his minions. Sometimes that bunch manages to achieve a level of arrogance that is totally unacceptable. It is my moral obligation to curtail their hubris.”

          “Of course you know that you’ll be Numero Uno on Peter’s list of suspects when this goes down,” Neal was the voice of reason at this point.

          “That’s a given,” Mozzie cavalierly retorted. “However, he won’t have any hard evidence. Since I am assuming that Mr. ‘ _Randy_ ,’ the night guard, is no longer on the job, this time I’m actually going to take the precaution of putting the security feed on a loop.”

          As the little, bald man made his way out of the apartment with a spring in his step, Neal thought he heard a mumbled, “Maybe this time I’ll just leave a lump of coal!”


End file.
